Most obituaries read like a summary of events. Where they were born. Where they worked. Who survived them.

That information matters. But it is not what people carry forward.

What people remember is who the person was.

This framework helps you start there.

STEP 1 — START WITH THEIR ESSENCE

Before listing facts, name the person. If you completed the Essence Statement in the guide, begin there.

OPENING LINE (ESSENCE FIRST)

Instead of:
“John Smith, 78, passed away on…”

Start with:
“John Smith was a steady, generous man who showed up for people without being asked.”

Or:
“Mary lived with a kind of quiet strength that made people feel safe in her presence.”

SIMPLE STRUCTURE

[Name] was ___________________.
They showed it by ___________________.
What made them unique was ___________________.

(Write this first. Everything else follows from it.)

STEP 2 — MARK THE PASSING

Now acknowledge the death simply and clearly.

EXAMPLE

“He passed away peacefully on [date] at [location], surrounded by family.”

Or

“She died on [date] after a brief illness.”

No need to overexplain.

STEP 3 — TELL THE STORY OF A LIFE

This is where most obituaries default to a timeline. Instead, stay anchored in the person.

WHAT TO INCLUDE

Where they were from

What they did (work, roles, contributions)

What mattered to them

How they spent their time

How they treated people

EXAMPLE (SHORT FORM)

“He grew up in [place] and built a career in [field], but work was never the center of his life.
He cared most about [family, community, craft].

He was known for [specific trait], often [specific behavior that shows it].”

STEP 4 — INCLUDE ONE STORY

One real moment does more than a list of achievements.

PROMPT

What is one story that captures who they were at their best?

EXAMPLE

“Every winter, he checked on his neighbors before clearing his own driveway. It was a small thing, but it was who he was.”

STEP 5 — NAME THE PEOPLE

Now include family. Keep it human, not formal.

EXAMPLE

“He is survived by his wife, [Name], his children, [Names], and his grandchildren, who knew him simply as Grandpa.”

You can include predeceased family if it matters to the story.

STEP 6 — INVITE PEOPLE TO THE GATHERING

If there is a service or gathering, share the details.

EXAMPLE

“A gathering to honor his life will be held on [date/time/location]. All who knew him are welcome.”

STEP 7 — CLOSE WITH MEANING

End with something that reflects the person, not a phrase.

Avoid:
“He will be deeply missed.”

Say something true instead.

EXAMPLES

“The way he lived stays with us.”

“His steadiness is something we will carry forward.”

“She made people feel seen. That is how we will remember her.”

FULL TEMPLATE (PUTTING IT TOGETHER)

[Name] was ___________________.
They showed it by ___________________.
What made them unique was ___________________.

[He/She/They] passed away on [date] at [location].

[Brief life story rooted in what mattered, not just what happened.]

[One short story that captures their character.]

[Family acknowledgment.]

[A gathering will be held… details.]

[Closing line that reflects their life.]

KEEP IN MIND

You are not writing for a newspaper. You are writing for the people who knew them and the people who wish they had. If it feels true, it is right.

ADD-ON: AI WRITING ASSISTANT PROMPT

Use this to refine your obituary

If you choose to use AI to help write or improve the obituary, the quality of the input matters.

Do not ask it to “write an obituary.”
Give it the raw material and clear direction.

Use the prompt below.

HOW TO USE THIS

Fill in as much detail as you can

Paste this into ChatGPT or another AI tool

Review the result and adjust so it sounds like you

AI PROMPT

Copy and paste everything below:

You are helping me write an obituary that reflects a real person, not a generic summary. Your job is to turn the information I provide into a clear, human obituary that feels specific, grounded, and true.

Avoid clichés, exaggeration, or overly sentimental language.

Do not use phrases like “passed away after a long battle,” “will be deeply missed,” or anything that sounds generic.

Write in a calm, natural tone. Short to medium sentences. Plain language.

Structure the obituary as follows:

Start with who the person was (their character, not just facts)

A simple statement of their death (date, place if relevant)

A short narrative of their life focused on what mattered to them

Include one meaningful story or example that shows who they were

Mention close family in a natural way

Include service or gathering details if provided

End with a closing line that reflects how they lived, not a cliché

Do not make anything up. Only use what I provide.
If something is unclear or missing, leave it out rather than guessing.

Here is the information:

ESSENCE (if known):
One word:
Core qualities:
What they loved:

BASIC INFORMATION:
Full name:
Age:
Date of death:
Location of death:
Place of birth:

LIFE DETAILS (only include what matters):
Career or work:
Important roles (parent, mentor, friend, etc.):
Beliefs, values, or guiding principles:
How they spent their time:

STORIES OR MEMORIES (very important):
(Include 1–3 specific moments or examples)

FAMILY:
(Who should be mentioned and how)

SERVICE DETAILS (if applicable):
Date:
Time:
Location:

Now write the obituary.

After writing it, do a second pass and quietly remove anything that sounds generic or could apply to anyone.

WHAT TO WATCH FOR

When you review what the AI produces, look for this:

Does it sound like a real person or a template?

Are there specific details or just general praise?

Could this be written about someone else?

If the answer is yes, tighten it.

SIMPLE FIX PROMPT (IF NEEDED)

If the first version feels generic, paste this:

“Make this more specific. Remove anything that could apply to anyone.
Replace general statements with concrete details or examples.”

A FINAL NOTE

AI can help you shape the words. It cannot tell you what mattered. That part only comes from you.